I'm taking a human sexuality class this semester, and I love it. It's one of the best classes I've ever taken. Today, though I was kind of surprised by the comments in our discussion in class. We were talking about the advantages and disadvantages of each of the sexes. I know some people struggle with gender roles, but I never really have. I love being female.
During the discussion, I was shocked by the amount of disadvantages people, both men and women, associated with being female and conversely, how many advantages seem to be attached to being male. This was a group of educated young adults. It wasn't a bashing or complaining session. People just naturally came up with their answers on the spot. The list included things like periods, not being taken seriously, being weaker, making less money, double standards, pregnancy and childbirth, and having to sit down to pee. There were only four things listed as advantages, and the only one I remember is the ability to get out of things (like tickets). Obviously, that isn't the whole list, but it does offer some perspective into my classroom.
I was pretty shocked. To me, being a woman is fulfilling and valuable, and to the women that think we have a disadvantage, I would say that that is not the case. Women have a lot of things going for them. We live longer. We have stronger immune systems. We're more likely to survive pregnancy and childbirth as babies (fewer female babies are miscarried or stillborn). We're less likely to have developmental or learning disabilities. And I'm just getting started.
That's not to say men are inferior to women. I don't think that. All I'm saying is ladies, don't sell us short. As women, we have the unique potential and ability to nurture life within our own bodies. That's miraculous. That's something that men cannot do. It's a gift. It's not a disadvantage, and those periods that you say are, make the miracle of life possible. Pregnancy and childbirth are not negative aspects of being a woman.
During class, I said that I thought a woman's influence was an advantage and was told that that was just me, and not representative of our gender. What I said is that as a woman, we have a unique influence on the men around us. Fathers, husbands, friends, brothers, and sons all have had women in their lives that have made them who they are. The same could be said for men's influence on women, but I think a woman's influence is different. Women have a tendency to love, nurture, and reach out. Women probably have held your hand for support or hugged your tears away or cheered you on from the sidelines of your life. Their influence and perspective matter.
To me, that is not weakness. That is great strength. A short while ago, a friend of mine asked me if I was a feminist. I feel like my answer to that question is a complicated one. Do I believe that men and women should both be treated fairly and equally? Absolutely! Yes! But I don't believe that we have to demonize or hate men to get there. Besides that, I feel like many women don't want equality, they want preferential treatment, and I cannot support that effort.
One thing that should be understood in the quest for equality though is that equality is not equal to sameness. My aunt used this analogy to explain: if three children of different heights are trying to see over a wall, you want them all to be able to see. The tallest child can comfortably see over the wall, but the child of middle height needs a four inch tall box to stand on in order to have a good view, so you provide him with one. The shortest child however, needs nine more inches of height so he can see. You give him a box, and now all of the children have an equal view over the wall. They aren't in the same position or situation, but they are in a state of equality. The tallest child isn't better than the other two because he didn't have to stand on a box. Neither is the shortest one at an advantage with the tallest box.
Women are not superior to men. But they are not at a disadvantage either. We all bring different skills and talents and assets to the table. We don't need to compare or attempt to be the same as the men around us. We are unique, but we are not unequal.
