In Awe

Sometimes I find myself in awe of motherhood all over again. When Will was first born, I found myself constantly taken aback by the miracle of life and babies. There was something just so sacred about seeing such tiny features on a perfect little body. I just didn’t anticipate that after a year, he would still take my breath away in unexpected ways. This morning, I was nursing him, and he looked up at me and smiled between swallows. There’s so much about being a parent that is overwhelming, but nothing is more overwhelming than the love I feel for Will.

For some reason, I was caught off guard this morning. Will’s love and affection is so pure and it blows my mind. I am amazed by his love. So often, I fall short as a mother. I lose my patience. I get bored being in the house constantly. I get distracted and am not as attentive as I could be. Will doesn’t mind though. He is forever forgiving. He has taught me so much about what the love of Christ really is. The way he always runs to me to give me a hug even when I’m not the best mom I could be is just one illustration of how incredible the love of a child truly is.

This illustration of love has been one of the greatest gifts of motherhood. Even though I get to experience a small piece of God’s love through the love I feel for my son, I also get to feel it in the love that Will shows me. Will has always been a snuggly baby, but he’s become more and more affectionate as he’s gotten older. He now gives kisses when you ask for them, and anytime Ty and I are kissing or snuggling on the couch, Will runs over to be part of the snuggles. I love it. I hoped that I would have physically affectionate children, and so far, my wish has been granted.

I still find myself feeling completely overwhelmed by the love I feel for the boys in my family. They bring so much joy and love into my life, and I feel so blessed to be experiencing life together. I find myself continually in awe of the beauty of God’s plan of happiness. I’m so grateful to be sealed in the temple and sharing my life with a family on this eternal journey.

Joy In All Its Glory

Then...

Whenever Ty and I go to a wedding and sign a book or write a card, our inscription usually includes this quote: “Joy in all its glory can only be obtained through unselfishness.” The quote originated with Ben Behunin, a potter, writer, and family friend, and it really resonates with me. It’s how Tyler and I have tried to structure our marriage and family. The truth is that Ty is naturally unselfish. I think it’s part of the reason why adjusting to marriage was pretty seamless for us. It’s easy to learn to live with someone who is always considerate of your thoughts and actions.

I was reminded of Ty’s selfless behavior on my birthday yesterday. He surprised me in the morning with the announcement that he wasn’t going to work and that I needed to get ready quickly because we had somewhere to be at 11, and we needed to drop Will off. It’s a big sacrifice for Ty to take work off right now. He has tons of meetings everyday for a big event coming up, and one of the guys on his team has been out of the office for three months recovering from back surgery. I was touched that he had decided to take a vacation day since I had specifically told him not to worry about it and that we could celebrate another day.

It turns out that our appointment at 11 was for a couples massage. This was another testament to Ty’s selflessness. I’ve always wanted to have a professional massage, but Ty had no desire. He really likes his bubble, and aside from me and (most of the time) Will, he doesn’t like to be touched very much. But he knew how much I would love a couples massage, so he booked one. It was amazing, and he enjoyed it even though he was a little apprehensive at first. After spending some time in a sauna following our massage, Ty took me to lunch at a Brazilian restaurant. It was delicious. We share a love a Brazilian food, but we don’t eat it very often due to availability and expense.

After lunch, we went shopping which was really nice to do without Will. As much as we love our little man, shopping is pretty hard with him in tow. I got some shoes and shirts, and Ty found some slacks for work and a nice sweater. I mostly just enjoyed being together. We don’t see each other very much during the week, and Saturdays are filled with homework and family events. Time to talk and enjoy being with Ty was the best gift I could have possibly received, and I’m so grateful that Sherrie (Ty’s mom) was able to watch Will. I didn’t worry about him at all. I just enjoyed the day.

We ended my birthday with a trip to the theater. I know it sounds silly, but not seeing movies in the theater has been one of the hardest adjustments to parenthood for us. Ty and I both love movies, and before Will was born, we went to the theater often. We usually took advantage of $5  Tuesdays, but now, Will goes to bed at 8, and he’s at a horrible age for the theater. Finding a babysitter just isn’t worth it to see movies. We enjoy Netflix and Redbox on our projector, but we miss the theater. We saw Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and we both loved it. Harry Potter and all things wizarding will always be dear to my heart.

And now.

We were going to get dinner after the movie, but we were still full from lunch, and we’d reached our limit of Will-free time. He’d been at his Grandma and Grandpa’s house for eight hours, and we missed him a lot. He was so excited to see us. He’s at such a fun stage. He is so chatty and busy all the time, and he’s super affectionate. It melts my heart to see him run up to Ty everyday when he gets home from work. I love my boys so much. My life is so much richer and more fun because of them. I didn’t take any pictures the whole day. My phone is broken, and I really just soaked up every minute without even considering taking a picture, so you’ll just have to take my word for it-- it was a wonderful day.