Beatrice's Birth

At 10 am on January 15th, I decided I would use my breast pump for fifteen minutes to see if any contractions started up. I had had contractions the night before while I was on a walk, but they weren't very strong and stopped when I got home. The 15th was my due date, so I decided to go for it with the pump. At 10:30, my water broke with a gush, soaking my pants. I was having contractions every 4 minutes or so, but they weren't very strong. I called my mom and checked in with the midwife. My mom headed up to our house. Ty and the boys set up the birth pool, and I did some laundry. 

When my mom arrived at our house, we went on a walk to the park. I did some curb walking, and the boys played. My contractions continued, but they didn't seem to be getting much stronger. We got back to our house, and I spent a lot of time on my exercise ball. We called the midwife around 4, mostly because I wanted to listen to the baby's heart rate. Simon had issues with his heart rate in labor, so as soon as we heard her strong heart, I felt reassured. My dad and Hailey got to our house around this time too. My dad was the kid doula, responsible for keeping the boys busy, and Hailey was the photographer. 

We had already filled up the birth pool, and the boys got in for a swim. My contractions had still been steady, but there hadn't been a shift yet, so I figured we had some time. We ordered pizza for dinner. The boys were as rambunctious as ever, and I knew I wouldn't be able to fully relax and give birth until they were in bed. They started a movie with my dad after dinner, and I asked for a vaginal exam. I was dilated to a three after 7 ½ hours of labor, but my cervix was really thin which was encouraging. I wasn't too concerned since I know from past experience that things can change on a dime in labor. Simon's labor was so fast, that I had told my mom that I was hoping for an 8-10 hour labor in order to have a little more time to cope when things were intense. I also only ever went into labor after 2 hours of sleep, so I had prayed that I would be able to get a good night's sleep before the birth which I had the night before. My prayers were being answered. 

While we waited to put Will and Simon to bed, we turned the lights down, and I used the breast pump again, and then Ty and I slow danced for a while. Big hip movements can help the baby have more space to move down, so that was the goal. My contractions started to pick up, and I knew we'd have a baby before morning. I told the boys good night, and Ty put them to bed. Things shifted immediately and got way more intense. I got into the pool and so appreciated the relief the water provided. I knew I was in transition, getting a little longer to catch my breath, joking with my mom and sister between surges, but the contractions were really strong. Ty came out of the boys' room around 8 and came and rubbed my back straight down my spine through each contraction. It was exactly what I needed. I'm so grateful he's my partner. 

The contractions were getting more and more intense, but the sensations were totally different from my last two births. At one point, I decided just to push to see if that gave me some relief. It did! I was surprised because the urge was so different. I pushed through four or five contractions before I could feel her head coming. Ty helped me stand up (part of our plan), and I reached down and felt our baby's head and my mom's hands. It was such a beautiful, encouraging moment. I pushed with the next contraction, and her head was born with her body quick to follow. I lifted her up to my chest and sat down with relief in the tub. It was 9:42 pm, an eleven hour labor.

She was covered in vernix and didn't cry or try to open her eyes. She wasn't putting forth much respiratory effort, so the midwife gave her a few breaths and got her breathing without even taking her out of the tub. I got to snuggle her for a few minutes before we needed to cut her cord and get the placenta delivered since I was bleeding a bit. Ty did some skin to skin while my mom listened to the baby's heart and lungs, and the midwife, Brianna, helped me birth the placenta. The baby needed some help, and I was so grateful that my mom and husband were the ones who could help her. My placenta was super chunky and healthy, but it looked like there were some membranes that were tearing, so Brianna clamped them, and we moved to my bed. We decided her name was Beatrice, and she latched and nursed right away. It was so wonderful to soak her up. The birth was everything I hoped it would be. 

After she finished nursing, I told my mom that I felt like I was bleeding a lot. She and the midwife gave me another shot of pitocin and misoprostol to get my uterus contracting and manage the blood loss. My dad and Ty came in and gave me a blessing in order to help the bleeding stop. I handed Bea off to Ty, and he took her out into the living room. I told everyone I needed to throw up, and Hailey materialized next to me with an emesis bag. The next thing I knew, my mom was telling me that I had passed out. I ended up being treated for shock for the next several hours. I threw up as I came to, but I could tell that Brianna and my mom and the other assistant, Kate, were concerned. We talked about my options, including going to a hospital to get the bleeding under control, a manual removal of the trailing membranes (usually done in a hospital with anesthesia), and trying to void my bladder and see if some more massage of my uterus could remove some more of the clots we were seeing. I really wanted to avoid the hospital. I felt so strongly that I needed to be home when the boys woke up, and after all the trauma of Simon's birth, I couldn't bear the thought of the hospital again. I wanted to try and pee, so I got up with a lot of help and passed out again. 

Honestly, the next bit was a blur. I was out for 45 seconds and came to lying on the bathroom floor. I felt totally out of body and so weak. My ears were ringing, and I was super dizzy. I remember my mom at some point saying that she was texting people asking them to pray. I know Brianna consulted with another midwife about next steps, but those things are super vague and in the periphery of my memory. Brianna told me that I either needed to go to the hospital or that she could manually scrape the inside of my uterus with sterile gauze to remove clots and membranes. I told her to do the manual removal. It was easily the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I could feel myself retreat into my mind into survival mode, and I screamed and cried as Brianna did the procedure, but I was mostly unaware of anything except for the pain. There was a moment when I thought that I might die and leave my sweet babies with their dad. The whole experience was agonizing, and yet I felt shielded and surrounded by angels, a cohort of my grandmothers, protecting me, guiding the midwife, ministering to all of us in this excruciating moment. When it was over, I opened my eyes and realized that everyone was crying. It was a grueling experience for all of us. 

I stayed lying on the bathroom floor for a long while and had some juice. It was clear that my bleeding had slowed way down. The manual extraction had done its job. Kate and Brianna literally lifted me out of the bathroom and onto my carpet so that I could be more comfortable, but my vitals were still in the toilet. My blood pressure was extremely low, and my pulse was racing. I kept feeling dizzy and like I would pass out again, and the birth workers kept taking turns holding my legs up so that the blood was staying with my vital organs. Again, I felt detached from my body. Even though I knew everyone was worried, I felt safe and protected and surrounded by my angels. 

Brianna consulted with another midwife again since my vitals were not stabilizing even though the bleeding had stopped. The senior midwife told her that if she could get an IV placed and I responded well, we wouldn't have to transfer to the hospital. I desperately wanted to avoid a trip to the hospital and everyone was praying Brianna could get the IV in, no easy task with my blood loss and low blood pressure. As she tried to place the IV, I remember wishing I could pass out again. I was so exhausted and in a lot of pain. She couldn't place the IV in either of my arms, and I remember just silently praying that she would be able to find another vein. I couldn't imagine having to call an ambulance at this point after everything that had happened. Brianna tried one more place, my left wrist, and she was sure she had missed, but my mom and Kate realized that the IV fluids were running, and my body was receiving them faster than they had ever seen. It was a miracle. I stayed lying on the floor and received three bags of fluid. My dad went to In-N-Out to get us some food with my main need being to replenish my salt. Ty brought Bea back to me, and Brianna and Hailey each helped her nurse while I was lying there with the IV. I've never felt so depleted or so relieved. I felt so much better with the IV flowing and the food in my system. My vitals were still not great, so after I ate, Brianna piled some blankets on me and turned the lights off. She encouraged me to do some deep breathing and try to calm my body. 

I told Ty to go downstairs to try to sleep, and my mom came in, holding Bea. We were sitting in silence when I heard Simon trying to open his bedroom door. He ran over to me and snuggled up to me on the floor. I have no idea how my kids were able to stay asleep through everything that happened. It was another blessing, and I'm sure there were angels attending them just as there were with me. I snuggled Simon as best I could, and he was oblivious to the craziness of the situation and oblivious to his baby sister until she made a little grunting nose. He sat up and looked at her and released the most delightful little giggle. A few minutes later, Ty came in and got him and took him back to bed. Ty was so tired, he fell asleep at the foot of Simon's bed and slept there for the next four and a half hours until Will woke up at 6:30. 

Once I was through the three bags of fluid, my vitals were stable enough that I could move onto my bed. I was able to use the bathroom easily and nurse Beatrice again. A little while later, Brianna did the infant exam at the foot of my bed and revealed that Bea was 9 lbs 8 oz and 21 ½ inches long. She is my biggest baby by a full pound and a half an inch. Everything checked out for her, and I was so glad. She had been perfectly content with Ty the whole time the birth center team was attending to me. Truly a tender mercy. I can't imagine how much worse it would've been if I had been hearing her cry in the background. After the infant exam, my mom tucked me in for the night, and I got a glorious three and a half hours of sleep before Will woke up. I'm so grateful Bea slept for that stretch. We all definitely needed some rest. 

Introducing the boys to Bea the next morning was nothing short of magical. They are so in love. She is a content, sweet, sleepy, big baby. Will wants to hold her constantly. Simon likes to hold her for a few seconds at a time, but mostly he wants someone else to hold her while he boops her nose and talks to her. We are all smitten. I'm still tired and recovering from the loss of about 1200-1500 ccs of blood as well as the manual extraction of the membranes. It's been a really difficult first week postpartum. I have been so tired and sore. When the midwife saw my hematocrit, she strongly encouraged me to get a blood transfusion which I did one week after the birth. I felt better almost immediately and am so grateful.  

Ty told me afterwards that through everything, he was blessed with a calm assurance that everything was going to be fine. I'm grateful that was the case. I've learned so much from each of my baby's births, and this was obviously no exception. I could compile a mile long list of tender mercies and miracles from this experience. One of the takeaways for me is that God is so mindful of me and my family. We feel grateful and blessed, and I know Beatrice is going to be such a gift in our family just like our other kids are.