Our Wedding Dress: A Tribute To My Grandma

It's my Grandma's birthday on April 27th. I've always felt close to my grandma, and she has a talent of making every child and grandchild she knows feel like they are her favorite. She loves the gospel, the Savior, and the temple. Hers was a beautiful example to grow up with. She is always putting the needs of others before herself, and she works so hard to keep in touch with everyone and show them that she loves them. She's a stellar cook, seamstress, cheerleader, teacher, visiting teacher, and friend.

I’ve always felt closely bonded to my grandma. I'm the baby that gave her the name “Grandma,” but I've felt even closer to her since I got married, and some of that has to do with our wedding dress. When I was fifteen, I was having a sleepover at her house and asking her about her wedding dress when, to my surprise, she asked me if I wanted to try it on. I was flattered, and after I saw it, I knew it was the most beautiful dress in the whole world. I asked her if I could wear it for my own wedding. I think she thought I would grow out of that fantasy, so she was at least a little bit surprised when I told her that I was going to marry Tyler and asked if I could wear her dress.

My grandma was smaller than me when she got married, but the dress fit me almost perfectly. It was classy and unique and it held a legacy that I wanted to perpetuate in my own life and marriage. The only adjustment we made was to the sleeves. They were originally really poofy, so my mom tamed them for my special day. My grandparents celebrated forty-four years of marriage just two days before I donned that special dress in order to celebrate my own wedding to my sweetheart.

My grandparents have not led an easy life. Like everyone, they have experienced heartbreak, depression, and frustration, but they have also found great joy, love, and the comfort of the spirit. Together they have weathered many storms and found comfort with each other and with the Savior. Even through the difficult struggles they have faced, they have set wonderful examples for their posterity, and no matter how hard their own lives got, they were always there to love and support me and teach me all kinds of lessons about being a Christlike person and a person of faith.

When my mom helped me put on that forty-four-year-old dress on my wedding day, I felt like I understood, at least in part, the love that my grandma has for The Lord, my grandpa, her children, her grandchildren, and everyone else in her life. I felt like, in a small way, I could feel her hopes and dreams and worries and anxieties from her own wedding day several years earlier. It was a precious and sacred experience, and I will always hold it close and treasure it in my heart.

Patsy Hewlett Goates is an amazing and courageous woman. She has taught many through her example and words, and I am one of the privileged that are able to call her Grandma. She has supported and loved me through my life, and I am truly blessed to be part of her posterity. The dress we both wore symbolizes so much. It symbolizes love, purity, covenants, hope, and happiness. My grandma has passed a legacy to me and to each member of her family that extends far beyond that of a timeless wedding dress, but I will be forever grateful to have been able to share that special symbol with her as well.

To read my grandpa’s perspective on this special dress and his tribute to this amazing lady, click here.

The Best Easter Yet

I love Easter. When I was living with my parents, Easter was characterized by cute decorations, colorful eggs, an exciting basket of goodies, and yummy candy. I also found that it was surrounded by gratitude, a Jesus wall, and meaningful lessons and discussions about the atonement. I am a little embarrassed to say that this year Easter snuck up on me. I guess that with impending finals and the general busyness of life, I just didn’t think about it. I was grateful for the LDS videos and #becauseofhim that started showing up on social media sites. It’s always nice to see something positive and uplifting on my news feed.

Tyler and I had another unique experience on Friday. We were able to attend Handel’s Messiah performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at the Tabernacle on Temple Square. It was phenomenal. Music has such a strong ability to invite the spirit and convey messages of peace, hope, and redemption. There is no doubt in my mind that Handel was divinely inspired when he wrote that piece. It was almost three hours long, and by the time we got home, I was exhausted. I was shocked to find that the Easter Bunny had found our house a few days early.

Making plans for Easter was like having a root canal--there’s never a good time, and it’s not exactly pleasant. Tyler and I have awesome families, and in a lot of ways, that makes splitting time between them more difficult. Luckily everyone is understanding, and on Thursday night, we finally figured out our plans. My parents and siblings were coming to the valley on Saturday morning, so they elected to come hang out with us for the weekend. It was wonderful to have them with us in our two bedroom apartment. Thanks to some hand-me-down couches from my aunt and uncle, only two people (out of nine) had to sleep on the floor.

This is what happens when
you dare a 14-year-old to
stick his head out the window
like a dog.

On Saturday, the girls went to a bridal shower, and then all of us (except for Tyler) went shopping and moved our (sort of) new couches from Andrew and Jessica’s to our house. In an effort to give Tyler some peace so he could finish his homework and attend a bachelor party, we went shopping and ate dinner at J Dawgs. When we got home, the real fun began, at least for me. My mom was so generous and loaded us up with groceries, so we put the food away while the Easter Bunny went to work. Jonny was itching to hunt for eggs, and it was so cute to watch him. As soon as Tyler got home, we all went egg hunting in our back yard. I loved having my family there, but in some ways, it made me miss them more. Our egg hunt was a great success, and we topped the evening off with tons of candy, nachos, beef stick and cheese, popcorn, and What’s Up Doc? a classic that many of my siblings had not had the privilege of watching.

Sunday was a beautiful day. It was different to sit on the same bench as my siblings again. I have gotten used to just being a twosome more quickly than I thought I would. The lessons were good as usual, and Tyler got another calling, so we’re excited about that. Dinner was a lot fancier with my mom at the helm than when it’s just Tyler and me. We had a ham and delicious sides for dinner, but I did head up dessert which consisted of homemade ice cream and homemade cones (I told you I would use my pizzelle maker, Tyler!). It was a fun, busy, and full weekend. I was glad I could connect with my siblings. They are my dearest friends, and I love them so much.

After they left, and we were alone again, Tyler said that this was the best Easter yet. It was for me too. It is cliche to say that everything is better and happier and brighter once you’re married, but it’s also true. Since I married Tyler, I have an even stronger conviction that families are the best. It’s easier to understand why they are at the center of our Father’s plan. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me for many reasons, but one of those reasons is because I was led to Tyler Johns, and we are in the process of establishing our own eternal family. Inexplicable joy comes from that knowledge. I love him with my whole heart, and I love and miss my parents and siblings as well. They make life sweeter and my joy fuller.

The king of the egg hunt

I’m even more grateful for them when I recognize the atoning sacrifice of my Savior. #Becauseofhim I can be with those cute munchkins, my parents, and my love for eternity, and that is the best gift anyone has ever given me. I know that if I strive every day to do my best and become a better person, I can. I’m so grateful my Older Brother and for his sacrifice. That, more than anything, is the beauty of Easter.

Loneliness

As a teenager, I often felt like I was on my own planet. I was passionate and found causes and ideas in everything around me, and I felt like it was almost impossible to find someone that really understood the things that mattered to me. I was lonely and I craved deep and meaningful companionship. In the midst of these struggles, I found solace in a General Conference talk. I had heard it when it was given in April of 2009, but it helped me more specifically in March of 2011. I was having a sleepover with my sister, Hailey and my Uncle Jake and his family. My Aunt Heidi is a cosmetologist, so we were experimenting with updos for my upcoming prom when her bishop called and asked her to speak about the atonement in church the next day. While Heidi did my hair, I read conference talks to her, and the opening words of this talk struck my heart. Elder Holland says that his remarks are specifically directed towards “those who are alone or feel alone.”

As I read, Elder Holland’s words pierced my soul. I wasn’t literally alone, but I did feel alone. The comfort that came from reading this talk was complete. I knew that I was going to be okay and that even when it felt like no one understood, my Savior knew my heart, and he suffered the ultimate loneliness. I didn’t have to be alone. The timely reminder did not supply me with friends, but it did help me to rekindle my friendship with my older brother. Because of the special experience, when Easter comes around, I try to study the atonement both in my scriptures and from the words of prophets to help me to remember.

Even though this talk helped me, loneliness still crept back into my life. On one occasion, I was feeling abandoned, and the hymn “Where Can I Turn For Peace” reminded me which friendship never held abandonment. Other hymns and messages from latter-day prophets have comforted me, and I recognized them as tender mercies. I’m so grateful for the atonement and everything that my Savior has done for me. My relationship with Him is precious to me.

Even though I know these things, it’s sometimes a struggle to keep everything in perspective. Tyler and I moved to a nice basement apartment when we got married, and we love it. Sometimes, I feel lonely though. My friends are mostly single, and with being at school in the morning and working all afternoon, I don’t feel like I’ve really been able to make many friends in my new ward and neighborhood. It’s such an interesting struggle. I always thought that I was friendly, but I’m realizing that it’s hard for me to reach out and make friends.

The darkness has been very real in my life for the past few weeks, and Satan has been fighting to derail me. Some days he is more successful than others. One of the most effective ways that Satan discourages me is by convincing me that I am alone. If I feel alone and abandoned, I am more likely to give in to apathy, despair, and depression. Often, I have tried to convince myself that I don’t really need friends,  and I can do everything on my own. It isn’t true. I need My Savior, and I need friends, and I am going to be better.