Cloudy With a Chance of Frustrated

After writing my last post, I thought I'd be writing a week later with the amazing news that Tyler had gotten an incredible job that would put an end to all my financial insecurities. He didn't. I'm still trying to process it. I know his resume is impressive, and people really like him. He's eager to learn, and he has loads of initiative. In my view, he's the perfect candidate for any job. I know I'm biased, but I've also talked to the people who have worked with him. They know how capable he is too. 

It's baffling too because the last time he interviewed for jobs, he got three offers. I know the "it's for the best" mantra, but it doesn't make circumstances any less frustrating. I recognize that we've been blessed, but I also don't really appreciate getting what I perceive to be bad news. I don't like watching Tyler feel small and inadequate. I guess this is when I should have any epiphany about how Heavenly Father watches us struggle, and it's just as difficult for him. But I can't even think about that. Instead my heart just hurts for the opportunity that would have paid for Tyler's graduate school and provided us with insurance, another step to being more self-reliant. 

We really thought this new job was an answer to our prayers. We thought it would open doors and lend experience. Instead, a door has been shut, and we aren't sure what's next. Honestly, Tyler loves his current job. He's learning so much every day, and it's a blessing to work close to our house, especially while he finishes up at UVU. I'm just not sure it pays well enough to support us through grad school even when his income is paired with mine. 

My frustration with this dead end is only exacerbated by my new job. It's hard to watch Tyler struggle with knowing what to do next when I know what's next for me. I got the new job at UVU and a three dollar per hour raise with it. It's a blessing for us, and I'm grateful. But if I could choose, I would take rejection and give Tyler the job he applied for. I guess that's why I'm not in charge, and I'm here again, trying to figure out how to be happy in my current place in life when I'm frustrated. I know I will be happy. The light is already brighter today than it was yesterday, and for that, I am grateful.