Unprepared

Overall, I thought I was fairly prepared for the process of pregnancy. Mostly I felt this way because I’ve been surrounded by pregnancy my whole life. I watched my mom carry five little siblings, and in between and during those pregnancies my aunts and friends’ moms were experiencing similar things. I grew up overhearing stories about crazy cravings and having to pee all the time and strange dreams and sore backs. But I’ve found that nothing can really prepare you for the realities of childbearing, and I’m just beginning the process.

I never realized how hard it was to keep a secret until I found out I was pregnant. Up until then, the secrets I’d had were easy to keep. I was unprepared for how many emotions and feelings I would experience when I found out we were really having a baby. I was so excited. I was overwhelmed. I was overjoyed. I was sick. Having a secret with Tyler was fun at first, but then I started having questions that I didn’t want to ask Google, and I wanted to share our excitement with the other people we love. That’s why we told people so soon. I couldn’t wait anymore.

It’s interesting how having a baby is simultaneously an intensely personal and communal experience. I was surprised by all the feedback I started getting when we announced that we were going to be parents. People have shared ways to cope with morning sickness, which books to read, some must have purchases, and other things that have helped with the pregnancy process as a whole. It’s been such a big blessing to have friends and family members who have done this before share their wisdom with me. I’m grateful for women who have had powerful and sacred experiences while pregnant and in childbirth that they have shared with me. The support that I’ve experienced has been touching and overwhelming. All this feedback has strengthened a conclusion I came to quite a while ago, and that is, birth (and pregnancy and parenthood) is a powerful experience.

I’m so grateful for parents who taught me that birth is amazing and that my body was made to be able to participate in this amazing process of growing a human in my womb. The knowledge that I have about my own body has been so empowering throughout my pregnancy so far. I also love that I have midwives who really listen when I have questions and concerns and who validate my feelings instead of brushing them off. These women have been such a blessing in my life already. Their knowledge and compassion strengthens me. I wasn’t prepared for that.

I also didn’t realize that I would immediately bond to the baby inside me. I didn't know that I would think about him constantly. I couldn't comprehend the way it feels to feel a fetus squirming, kicking, and somersaulting around. Now I treasure those feelings. I love sitting with Tyler with his hand on my belly as we wait for our baby to make his presence known to us. It's magical and sacred to know that we've created a life together.

Perhaps the most significant thing I was not prepared for was the way my love for Tyler has grown exponentially through this experience. Whenever Ty talks to the baby or rubs my belly or talks about our future as a family, I find myself tearing up. I already knew I had married a compassionate man, but he has gone above and beyond in taking care of me since I've been pregnant. I know that having a baby will change our life even more when he's born, but he's already making an impact on our life, and he's captured our hearts.