My Education

My diploma! (Complete with a sticky note from a friend
I used to work with in the Transfer Credit office at UVU).

I’ve been reflecting on my educational experience a lot lately which is understandable since I just graduated in December. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have been very lucky when it comes to education, but I’ve also worked really hard, and even though it may not seem like it, those two conclusions coexist quite well. It all comes down to choices really, like most things in life.

I hadn’t really ever considered going to UVU until I went on a college tour with ETS the summer before my senior year of high school. On the tour, I was super impressed with the school in general, but I was really impressed by the students that I talked to while I was on campus, and I loved the energy there. I applied, thinking that I would still choose to go to Utah State but wanting to keep my options open. Eventually, when it was time for me to decide, I just knew I was supposed to go to UVU. I didn’t know any other girls going there, and I was kind of glad. I was ready for a new beginning. I declared English as my major when I applied, and I never regretted it.

I met Ty the day before I started classes, and that was one of the greatest gifts UVU gave me. Ty is the perfect partner for me, and if I had gone to Utah State, I would have missed out on the richest and most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. I also wouldn’t have had such amazing roommates. I didn’t know any of them before I moved in, but I was lucky enough to be surrounded by kind and fun girls who became dear friends in just a short amount of time.

I received a comprehensive education at UVU. I earned my AS and BS degrees, but beyond that I learned about the importance of listening intently to opinions and arguments that are different from my own. I was amazed by the diversity in my classes. There were so many people from such vastly different lives, and I have to admit that I was a little surprised to find that in Utah County. It was inspiring to talk to the nontraditional students in my classes, and I will be forever grateful for those experiences that served to enrich my educational experience.

There were so many little things that made my collegiate career better than I thought it would be. I got a job working on campus and met some really awesome people that way. I was never waitlisted and took every class I wanted to. I always had respectful and skilled professors. I never took a class with more than 50 students in it. When I bought books for my last semester, the person at the bookstore let me go to the front of the line because I had my seven month old baby with me. These were little things, but they really enhanced my education and solidified my loyalty. UVU forever!

One of the very best “little things” is that I was able to graduate debt free. It was really hard. We had to be super mindful of our spending and work instead of taking fun vacations and travelling a lot, but I am so glad we did. I learned a lot of lessons about needs versus wants and about being happy with my choices. I chose to work and put that money into school instead of other things, and that is a choice that I felt I needed to own. I tried not to be speak negatively about how we chose to spend our money because even though it was painful at times, it’s a choice we made together that was ultimately the right way for us to go.

More than anything though, I am glad that I got my degree because I accomplished a goal. I have always wanted to graduate from college, and I did. I know that this accomplishment will make me a better mother. It strengthened my faith in myself and reminded me that I can do hard things, and I can do them well. I hope that my example will impress the importance of education upon my children. I know that my education has made me a better person, and I’m excited to pay it forward and share that with those I come in contact with. Nothing can stand in my way.

Still an Individual

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about individuality. I’ve always been someone who resists being defined by others. I like to be my own person, and I try really hard not to let others’ choices and perceptions of me dictate who I am or how I live. But things shift when you get married and subsequently have a baby. In both instances, it’s easy to allow yourself to be absorbed by your spouse and/or child. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because of the example of someone I love and admire. He is such a kind and thoughtful man, but he has consistently allowed himself to be absorbed by his wife. Instead of cultivating his own individuality, he has been consumed by her needs and desires. His devotion to his wife was beautiful, but when she died, I have never seen anyone more lost. It seemed like he had no concept of himself without her. Marriage involves “becoming one” with your partner which is something that personally brings me great joy. I know it is important to be unified, and I would feel like I had lost half of myself if I lost Ty, but I would still have myself, and I see tremendous value in that.

Sometimes, I find bits of myself slipping away as I get older. It’s great when I find myself letting go of selfishness and insecurity, but sometimes I find myself reminding myself that in conjunction with being a wife and mother and sister and daughter, I am still an individual. I love to read and take baths in silence. I enjoy writing to process my thoughts and feelings more deeply. I am passionate and can be loud. These are some of the things that make me who I am, and I don’t have to watch them disappear because it’s hard to make time to be a separate individual and they aren’t interests and characteristics that Ty and I share. While our similarities are what have allowed us to build a strong foundation together, our differences enrich our relationship. Over the course of the last three years, I feel like Ty and I have done a good job of maintaining our individuality while be married, but then Will was born, and as it’s supposed to, everything shifted.

The reality of parenthood is that there is far less time for yourself which is great as it helps you be more aware of the needs of others, but it’s also easy to ignore yourself and your needs. Nothing brings me more joy than being a mother, but there is also nothing that makes it easier to neglect myself. A friend of mine recently posted a picture that read something like, “Self care is not selfish.” I feel so strongly about this. Of course it’s important to prioritize your children’s needs, but it ultimately hurts your whole family if you don’t also address your own needs. I genuinely need alone time in order to maintain my mental health, and it is hard to come by as a parent. Luckily, Ty is amazing, and he is aware of my individual needs and does everything in his power to help me be the best person, spouse, and mother that I can be, but it’s something that takes almost daily effort and mindfulness.

Sometimes as a stay at home mom, I feel like I occupy a separate dimension. This is especially true in the winter. Sometimes I go days without leaving our apartment. It’s such an ordeal to get Will adequately bundled to go out in the snow, and I don’t like being cold, so we end up reading all the same books and singing all the same songs and playing with all the same toys everyday. It gets monotonous, and I don’t think it makes me a bad mom to admit that. I’ve been blessed to make some good friends since we moved to Cottonwood Heights who are in the same stage of life that I am, and that has helped me far more than I even imagined it could. I’ve always been kind of a loner, but I have never realized how much I truly need the friendship of like-minded women in my life. It has honestly made me a better person and by extension a better mom. I’m so grateful for friends and family members and especially a husband who understand my daily life and consistently help me to be better. It’s a beautiful gift.

I’m glad that I am married to a man I share so much with. I love being a mom to a child who consumes so much of my heart and mind. Being part of my family and friend groups lifts my soul and brings me joy. But I am still an individual, and I’m supposed to be.